Great negotiations are collaborative and able to build a foundation of trust and mutual respect on which they can then build successful deals.
The ability to come to a negotiation with a collaborative spirit is a skill – particularly given the amount of anxiety most folks have around negotiation. And the only way to learn the skill is by developing expertise. In other words, great negotiators have a framework they use to evaluate past performance, so that they can improve the next time around.
One component of this framework is understanding the universal human biases that get in the way of being able to build trust and enter into a collaborative relationship with a negotiation counterpart. If you’re unaware of such biases, developing a collaborative relationship with you negotiation counterpart is all the more difficult, because these ways of perceiving set you up for an adversarial relationship.
Luckily, because most every human experiences these ways of perceiving and thinking, we can pin them down and figure out how to get around them. By the end of this article, you’ll have a clear understanding of egocentrism, irrational optimism, self superiority, and how to get around them for a successful negotiation.
Egocentrism
Egocentrism is the tendency to bias your expectations and perceptions in your own favor. This bias causes you to rely exclusively on your own point of view, rather than recognizing and taking in the perspective of those you’re dealing with.
Divorce is a great example, particularly since this bias is exacerbated by negative emotions. When folks are operating under an egocentric bias, what’s ‘fair’ is at least 51% to themselves, because, of course, ‘that’s what I deserve!’
Why this is bad for negotiation:
Everyone is the center of their own universe. Unless you can shake your ego (at least for a moment or two), you’re missing important pieces from your counterparts. Information and/or perspectives that could be useful tactically and strategically. Which means you’re diminishing the value of your deal for all concerned.
How to deal:
- Use an objective third party. Sometimes you need a mediator to assess and be a go-between. Other times, having a colleague you trust look at the situation and provide their assessment is sufficient.
- Write out all of the objectively verifiable facts. Then ask yourself: “if I weren’t part of this, what would be a reasonable solution for all involved?”
A note about “Fairness”
As Chris Voss, never one to mince words, says: There’s no such thing as fair.
For one, everyone thinks differently. If someone values an intangible outcome (pride in completing a negotiation on deadline, positive interactions, etc) more highly than the eventual dollar amount assigned to the deal, their idea of ‘fairness’ will be wildly different than someone who is fixated on getting the best deal at any cost.
In the end, decisions (even if logic was used to reason things out) are emotional, and the concept of fairness is a significant component of the emotions that drive decisions.
Do folks think they’re getting something extra? Do they think they’re losing out? Fairness is in the perception of a situation, which makes it impossible to pin down.
Why this bad for negotiation:
‘Fairness’ can be a weaponized concept to make you squirm in your seat. We all want to be viewed as being fair, and getting called out for not accepting a fair offer feels awful.
How to deal:
If you run afoul of this tactic, confirm that your counterpart is ready to back up their claim that what they’re offering is, indeed, as objectively fair as can be.
When dealing with others, you can frame the discussion of fairness in a way that builds trust off the bat: “I want you to feel like you’re being treated fairly. Stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair so that we can address it.”
Irrational Optimism
When you were a teenager, maybe you heard the adults in your life say things like “time just seems to go faster and faster” or “my back hurts today… and I didn’t do anything!” And you probably thought That’ll never be me. I’ll always be healthy. And perhaps, as you yourself have gotten older, that’s not quite the case.
Your teenage self fell prey to a bias termed irrational optimism, or thinking that your future will turn out better than others in similar situations.
This is a helpful bias if you’re staring down a particularly difficult or challenging project or circumstance. It improves self esteem and grit, keeping you moving forward.
However, if you’re working your negotiation game – and wanting to be successful at it as you go – irrational optimism is something you want to knock out ASAP.
Why this is bad for negotiation:
You do have a unique take and a set of skills you can use from the start in negotiation. But if you’re thinking that your bright shining face is going to take you to the best possible deal, you’ve got another thing coming. Particularly if you’re irrationally optimistic to the point that you’re not prepping for your negotiation and practicing the skills and tactics that (however shining your face) will help you close a favorable deal.
How to Cope:
- Gather data from other people who’ve done similar negotiations to the one you’re facing down (or are in the middle of). What would they have done differently?
- With a neutral third party, review your recent negotiations. Were the hard-facts outcomes better, equal to, or worse than what you’d expected?
- Note your expectations before you walk into a negotiation. Best case, okay and worse case scenarios. After your deal is done, check back in on your predictions – how accurate were they? Over time, you’ll build a better sense of what kinds of outcomes are most realistic in what kinds of situations.
Self Superiority
Do you view yourself as one of the more flexible, competent, honest, and fair people you know?
Yep, so does most everyone else.
Which is why we humans suffer from the self superiority bias. Don’t get me wrong; It’s psychologically healthy to have a substantial sense of self. Folks who don’t have self esteem tend to be paralyzed and unable to take meaningful action.
During negotiation, in particular, however, a too strong sense of self superiority can be problematic.
Why this is bad for negotiation:
If you’re better, your counterparts are, necessarily, worse. Less flexible. Less competent. Less honest. Less fair. And, if you’re dealing with someone you deem dishonest and unfair, it’s going to be tough to build trust and move the negotiation along to a positive outcome.
How to deal:
- Trust, and verify. If you’re dealing with someone you don’t know well, do your best to assume positive intent. But verify your counterparts’ claims as best you can as you go until you’ve built a foundation of mutual trust and respect.
- Label and ask questions. If something seems off, name it! “This seems to be a sensitive topic – can you tell me more about that?” or “I’m sensing some hesitation – what are you not seeing or hearing that would make you feel more confident in the direction we’re going?”
- Remember: collaboration (inclusive of bargaining) makes for stronger, more durable deals. The better able you are to see the person on the other side as a counterpart in value creation, the more you’ll even out the playing field for the benefit of all sides.