“Welcome back to smooth jazz Saturday night. Next up is …. “
“Danny, how dare you speak to your grandmother that way! You go apologize right now!”
“Hi love, how was your day?”
“We need that report by 5PM tomorrow. Email it to me as soon as it’s done.”
“It’s okay honey… shhh shhh shhh… you’re okay, there’s no need to cry.”
How would these sentences sound if you overheard them? Deep and steady, loud and insistent, quiet and loving, even and firm, and soft and soothing.
We use our voices so often as a matter of course that we rarely (if ever) stop to consider how we’re using them.
Negotiation is, if nothing else, an exercise in intentional, goal oriented communication. The tone and timbre of your voice must be aligned with your intentions and goal if you want to be consistently successful. Whatever the words you say, the way you say them will either support or overrule your message, without question.
Of course, the way in which you want to use your voice will depend largely on the interaction you’re orchestrating.
Generally speaking, it’s important to maintain a positive, playful, amiable tone. We like people who are upbeat and engaged — maintaining a tone of voice that conveys these qualities (regardless of the words you choose) will endear you to your counterpart. This type of voice will maintain even, easy emotions throughout the course of your negotiation, as you convey “It’s all good!” through your tonality.
Some common examples of this kind of tone include flirtation, playing with/talking to kids, light and easy conversation with a friend over coffee, a quick call to check in with a colleague. You can also do a quick YouTube search for direct examples of this type of tone.
Listen to examples of voice:
To maintain your friendly tone, the quickest, easiest trick is to smile! There’s some research suggesting that humans smile not only for the visual cue, but for the way it shifts our voices. When you smile, the soft palate shifts, along with your vocal cords, adjusting the tone of your voice instantaneously. This is why it’s suggested to smile while you’re on the phone with someone.
The same goes for inflection — when you’ve something to say that you want to land easily and without resistance, practice using an upward inflection. We do this naturally with questions. Perhaps you’ve heard folks who maintain an upward inflection in every sentence, making them sound perpetually unsure of themselves. While this kind of inflection isn’t appropriate at all times, a subtle uptone at the end of a sentence is akin to a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down without issue.
Meanwhile, in those moments when it just won’t cut it to be jovial, your tone will need to change. In these moments, using a slower pace and deeper tone will bring more calm into a conversation. This is particularly important if some party is feeling particularly skeptical or stressed about an aspect of the negotiation. While you may be in a rush to get the deal done, resist the temptation to speak quickly to ‘just get it over with.’ When you do this, your counterpart will not feel as though they’re being properly listened to, and it’s easy for the conversation to quickly degrade. Instead, use a calm, slow, steady, and deep voice to convey both careful attention and authority. If you’re able to intentionally slow a conversation down, emotions will naturally cool off.
If there’s an aspect of your negotiation that’s absolutely non-negotiable on your part, use a downward inflection at the end of your sentences along with your deeper, lower tone. This conveys the idea that you’re 100% in control of the situation in a non-threatening way.
For practice, pay attention to how you speak to the different people in your life. What’s your tone with your spouse? Your kids? Your boss? Your coworkers? Employees?
Also, pay attention to how people talk to you — what tones do you enjoy hearing from people? What tones do you find irritating?
One of my team members had a timely observation this week. She mentioned, after hanging up from an introductory call, that the person she talked with really had turned her off… mostly because of the briskness of their voice. Because the person she was talking with spoke so quickly and at a high-ish pitch, she felt rushed, and that the other person didn’t care what she actually had to say. That may or may not be true, but the message conveyed by the tone of voice drowned out the content of the conversation.